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| So summer is here again. We have had beautiful weather since I have been home. I've spent the last few days outside painting my dresser and playing with our dog. I was afraid I would not have a very relaxing summer, but things have not been to bad, yet. My family is all really busy and seldom home, so I have been able to enjoy the solitude that I've been seeking. I have realized in the past few days that I would enjoy living by myself in an apartment as long as I had a dog to talk to. I know I am just rambling.....I should go and do something constructive, like clean and organize my diaster of a room or vacuum or the dishes or laundry. | | |
| So.
I'm currently procrastinating because as much as I'd love to be enthusiastic about fungi, it's just not happening. Looking ahead, I have a lot coming at me academically, and I do not feel prepared to handle it. I think to counter this feeling of terror, I have become apathetic about doing anything in preparation. That's logic at it's finest right there, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a missionary giving her testimony in the lounge tonight. She faced a lot of difficulties on the island where she was placed. Like normal when I hear about things that challenge me, I feel indescribably strange and ill at ease. An almost painful kind of numb. I can never seem to sort out what God wants in my life. What he wants from me. That is a very discouraging thing with which to contend.
My advising meeting was on Monday. I felt overwhelmed by the decisions I have to make now. I don't feel ready or capable to make intelligent choices for my future. Similar to the way I felt about choosing a college, only this is of much larger magnitude and consequence.
And to top it off, all I've wanted to do for weeks now is be home, hide in my room, and cry until it all goes away. The worst part is I have no idea why I feel this way. The frustration simply increases the desire to burst into tears.
i feel like a fake.
***some time later***
after some consideration and brutally honest soul-searching, i have suspicions about the reasons i feel the way i do.
i hate them
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|  I feel that I should update, but I have nothing to say.
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|  So I've decided that the public library is a sweet place to go for peace and quiet. As much as I love my family and school, but I have a very hard time finding the type of study atmosphere that works best for me. This, my friends, is it. Now granted I'm not doing anything other than update on xanga, but I know that if I were doing homework right now, I'd be in the groove and actually getting something done. 
The ladies at work gave me a cake and a gift card to KOHL'S. I was touched. Plus, one of them gave me two dozen cookies that she made for me! How sweet is that!? I like her a lot. We get along nicely. Tomorrow is my last day to work, and I'm super excited.
The factory my mom works at had a tour of the motorhomes and towables that they make today, so I went with her to tour them after work today. They are amazingly spectacular. I think one lady said that the most expensive one we looked at was $900,000. That's practically a million dollars!!!! I was shocked, and yet not at the same time. It looked like a million dollars, most definitely.
Well, I think I'm going to head out soon, seeing as how I have the job of picking my brother up from football. My family is going out to eat tonight, so that should be fun. 
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| so, i am home alone with my dog, and he is sleeping on the floor to my right--snoring. i love the little furry monster.
in other news, things are falling together nicely as far as getting ready for school goes. so far, anyways. i do not want to get too ahead of myself here.
that's all folks. (i sorta feel like the pig on looney tunes...porky? i am not sure if that is his name. it has been a while.) | | |
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